To the handful of you that stop to read my blog posts, thank you and apologies for “no posting “.
It’s been a depressing 6 weeks and the stress of starting a new job and having to move to a new apartment hasn’t helped at all. Had to give up my (actually, my beloved deceased spouse) 75-lb “boy” to my brother back home. He’ll be happier there as this new job pays me a lot for only one reason- I’m never here. My poor old kitty seems to have developed separation anxiety too. So here we are- 2 old kitties. Alone.
On weekends I can sleep (undisturbed) for 12 hours straight. And I do. On Sunday nights, I toss and turn thinking about work (which I’m good at but disdain), my poor E-book smut sales , and where this 54 year old “girl” is heading.
Goals? Sure I have a few. Trying to reach them over the next 8 years is what’s retarding me.
The Master has also been too busy lately. We text a lot and I find myself questioning if I should even respond some days. I suppose the reality of obligation and distance are starting to wear on my patience. I know what we have “ain’t love” but I have to have something I can anticipate and smile about.
Other than this, and with intermittent news from my 25 year old daughter’s life updates, I find myself thinking (and doubting) too much.
I’ll close this depressing post by saying I wish I had my heart back in the right place. I wish I could wake up with a sense of purpose or motivation. I wish I could feel human hands on my skin with more frequency. I wish I could stop thinking for a while.