I should be paying bills, packing for a week long work trip to Amsterdam and generally organizing myself and my apartment. Instead, I’m catching up on WP and feeling derelict in my self absorption with everything negative in my life. And not even writing or Tweet-marketing my BDSM book.
I’ve much to be thankful for but I seem to dwell on the downside of even the simplest decisions/feelings too much lately . A few examples:
1) Been to Europe lots of times and understand the fatigue of transatlantic flight. Me: “Last time was 1998 and you’re really out of shape now. Am I going to collapse on the first day at the HFd office?”
2) Never been to seedy Amsterdam- this could be fun. Me: ” ‘Fun’ is having endless disposable income and NOT having to work. I am there for work after all.”
3) Master is on this endless assignment out west and heading to bumfuck Virginia after his birthday for another month long job. Me: “I need a new master. Someone that is more available.” Also Me: “You’re a dumbass and a poor example of a proper slave.”
I have some family issues also making me very happy or incredibly depressed. When will my shitty existence ever be in balance?