Monday- the world’s shortest horror story

I spent an incalculable amount of time updating the look of this blog this morning. WordPress makes everything more complicated than it has to be. Like I actually had to google how to add my Twitter feed to the home page! I suppose I’m just fed up with the amount of time I’m wasting online but then I don’t have anything else to do between part time work and finding real work again. More frustration. Mondays have always brought out the worst in me- ever since I could remember how to tell the days of the week. Seems like a … Continue reading Monday- the world’s shortest horror story

Paychecks and passions

Lost my job on Thursday last week. My birthday no less. They caught me on my 89th day. One day before the 90 day probationary period was up. There are no rules in At Will employment states like the one I live in. So there’s no point in fighting the dismissal. I’m wondering what to do. Sure I started looking and applying- ironically was doing so a few weeks back as I “felt” how wrong this position was the first week in. Just took it for the pay. Never mind the politics or the work. Caught between slogging on in what I … Continue reading Paychecks and passions

One week til departure

I should be paying bills, packing for a week long work trip to Amsterdam and generally organizing myself and my apartment. Instead, I’m catching up on WP and feeling derelict in my self absorption with everything negative in my life. And not even writing or Tweet-marketing my BDSM book. I’ve much to be thankful for but I seem to dwell on the downside of even the simplest decisions/feelings too much lately . A few examples: 1) Been to Europe lots of times and understand the fatigue of transatlantic flight. Me: “Last time was 1998 and you’re really out of shape now. … Continue reading One week til departure

The sounds in the sea of dreams

I’ve been asked if I dream in color or black and white. I do neither – at least I don’t think I do. The few memorable dreams I’ve had recently were more vivid in sound than sight. They were more vivid in feel (meaning ,when I woke, I could feel on my person where my dream broke off).  I don’t dream much anymore. The few times I might are as vivid in smell, sound and touch than sight.  #vivid Continue reading The sounds in the sea of dreams

Long time, no post

To the handful of you that stop to read my blog posts, thank you and apologies for “no posting “.  It’s been a depressing 6 weeks and the stress of starting a new job and having to move to a new apartment hasn’t helped at all. Had to give up my (actually, my beloved deceased spouse) 75-lb “boy” to my brother back home. He’ll be happier there as this new job pays me a lot for only one reason- I’m never here. My poor old kitty seems to have developed separation anxiety too. So here we are- 2 old kitties. … Continue reading Long time, no post

Exquisite solitude 

When I was younger I longed for solitude. From my rebellious teenage years all the way into my early 40’s. I thought of the wonderful and exquisite time I could spend just doing and living for me.  Now it’s here. And I dread the long hours alone and in silence. I try to will the cats and dog to speak back. They don’t. The work routine brings some movement to my tongue and vocal chords for about 40 hours a week. But that’s a superficial environment. It just enables me to continue the solitude. What an exquisitely defining moment it … Continue reading Exquisite solitude